Today I have my first appointment alone with the psychologist, whereas my husband and I both went a week ago. She talked to us at length and as a result let him decide if he needs therapy. He declined and apparently he´s right as she saw it exactly the same way. As for me, she sees a need for treatment.
She´s friendly and business-like but also firm. I accept the questions she asks although they unsettle my soul every now and then. We talk first and then have to decide if she will treat me in future or, more specifically, if I think it´s a good fit. I already feel that the “chemistry” between us is good, which is essential for successful therapy.
The French prosecutor from Marseille informed us in an email that the 150 people aboard the aircraft who died in the crash of the airbus A320 have been identified. A commission will validate the work done by issuing burial permits for the 149 victims and the murderer. Only then can the mayor of Prads-Haute Bléone (the community where the crash took place) sign the death certificates. We don´t yet know when the victims´ remains will be returned. The commission is made up of various experts including forensics doctors, police identification specialists, representatives of a national police institute for criminal investigations, as well as from Interpol, a German investigator from the BKA (Federal Criminal Police Office) in Wiesbaden and other specialists.
The translation of the email ends with the sentence:
“I would like to express my sincere condolences to the families of the victims. I assure you that we are doing everything to return the victims´ remains to you and to ensure that you will receive the death certificates as quickly as possible and with no problems.
I´m quite excited. “Jens is finally coming back” pounds through my head. It sounds crazy but I am first relieved, almost joyful.
After a while my brain weighs in with “but in what form? Which body parts?” My thoughts are foggy. It surely won´t be long until we can have the funeral. “And after that I´ll definitely be better,” I fervently hope. (I don´t find out till later that this expectation is an illusion.)
I surf the internet quite a bit but only use search words referring to the disaster, and I find odd things from so-called conspiracy theorists. Some people always know more than others and want to attract attention with the most absurd claims, which I read with displeasure. Shortly after the crash, rumours were flying around that the black boxes were still in the debris, and that hardly anything was known about the course of events surrounding the tragedy.
Just a few examples:
Lubitz converted to Islam and joined the IS.
The co-pilot´s surname is Jewish, so it must be concluded that the Israeli secret service Mossad got late revenge on the Germans.
The USA accidentally shot down the airbus.
A further theory relates to the French fighter jet which was scrambled to the area because radio contact with the pilots was lost. Supposedly the Mirage shot down the airbus intentionally to stop it from targeting the Serre Ponçon Dam (France). I discover even more interesting information on the website of an established news network which refers to the US media. It says that Lubitz wanted to get his pilot´s license in the USA and the American aviation authorities (FAA) questioned his mental health. In 2010 he had to fill out a form where he did not initially disclose treatment for pre-exisiting mental disorders. Additional background checks forced him to admit to a “major depressive episode“ but a German psychologist produced documents confirming his complete recovery. (My alarm bells go off here and they rarely deceive me.) The psychotropic medication necessary to achieve this was gradually stopped. (Really?) Lubitz passed the subsequent medical tests successfully and received his pilot´s license — and fate took its course.
The media also report that he had recently suffered from severe vision problems.
Question after question runs through my head.
© Brigitte Voß / Translation: Ellen Rosenbaum